Father’s Day is one of those days every year that hurts my heart, especially in the first few years after Dave died. How do you help two little boys who desperately miss their larger-than-life dad, celebrate Father’s Day?
In those first couple of years, I would take the boys to the cemetery and write their Father’s Day message on helium filled balloons so they could “send them to Heaven.” I know now that is not the most environmentally conscious choice we could have made, but at the time I did whatever I could to help the boys cope with the very big emotions they were feeling.
The first Father’s Day I was with Jim I was a little nervous to tell him about our tradition. Remarrying after the death of a spouse is to continually walk a fine line. I want the boys to embrace Jim as a new father figure but give them the permission to love and miss their dad. I have to say that Jim handled this beautifully. We may have had a few bumps in the road blending our family, but one thing Jim handled with grace from day one was reassuring the boys he wasn’t there to take Dave’s place, but to pick up where their dad left off.
So, Jim and the girls embraced our tradition and we stopped at Memory Gardens on our way to take Jim out for a steak lunch. This time the boys' future stepsisters participated and joined in the balloon release. Caleb was really struggling at this point in time, so it helped him to know the girls wanted to know about his dad, and Zach had turned a major corner in his grieving process now that Jim was in the picture, and he couldn’t wait to show them our fun family tradition! I took pictures of the written messages before we let them go and got a great shot of them against a blue sky.
As the boys have grown and matured, I have let them tell me what they want to do on Father’s Day. I have to say I was not surprised when they both agreed that going to Dave’s grave was just too painful on this particular day. They have bonded with Jim as their stepdad and are content to celebrate him on Father’s Day.
At first, I didn’t know what to think, but after stepping back and looking at it from their perspective, I feel like they have become wise beyond their years. They don’t have many memories of Dave, but they remember his heart, and they both have acknowledged that their dad would not want them to be sad. Going to a grave makes them sad, and they would rather hear funny stories of Dave than be reminded of his loss.
Knowing Dave as well as I did, I knew exactly what he would say to me, and the tone of voice in which he would say it, “It’s okay! Let them celebrate Jim. I’d rather they laugh than cry when they think of me.” Their love for Dave has not diminished by having a stepdad, and their love for Jim isn’t tarnished or held back because of Dave. They have two separate accounts from which to love, and I am so impressed with the way they have navigated this complex emotional issue as they have grown.
We will never forget or stop loving Dave, but Father’s Day is a day to celebrate Jim and all the dads here. I think this makes Dave smile.
Scrapbooking Tips
This layout came together easily. I was using many photos, so going into the creative process, I had decided to create a large photo block on one side of my layout. I used nine 4x4 photos on the left-hand page and two more on the right side. I also added a 4x6 focal point photo which I matted to help it stand out even more.
I followed a Scrapbook Generation sketch from an awesome book, Hip to be Square, which I go back to all the time for inspiration! That’s where I got the idea for the strips and stitching. I had to alter the original sketch a little to accommodate the full-size photo.
I keep my embellishments simple whenever I create a layout with a large photo block. I die cut balloons using my Silhouette Cameo and I admit it took me a couple of tries to get the perfect size. When I’m getting ready to die cut, I struggle with visualizing what size I actually need. First, I cut too many balloons that were too large, next I cut them too small and they didn’t look right against the 4x4 photos. I also had cut them in too many colors - I was trying to tie in all the colors from the paper, but it looked like a circus. Then I cut a few balloons but made them larger and used only a few colors that matched the balloons in the photos. That was just what the layout needed.
I had trouble matching a title, so in a last-ditch effort, I used white foam Thickers from American Crafts that I had colored with a green sharpie to tie in the dark green balloons. When in doubt, white stickers can always be colored to match!
Supplies Used:
Cardstock - Bazzill and The Stamps of Life
Pattern paper - Simple Stories
Letter sticker - American Crafts
Die Cut Balloons - KI Memories - Silhouette Design ID 10034
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